The other morning my sister, Lisa, and I were having a bite to eat at Mug Shots. I sat down without a napkin but she, the slightly more organized Brachman daughter, had two so I didn't have to get up and make the looooong trip back to the counter - at least 8 steps.
So, naturally, since we both have inquiring minds we began discussing the usage of napkins.
I had the upper hand, or so I thought, since I spent a whole year at Stephens College for women in Columbia, MO. Of course the napkin goes on the lap. Duh.
Lisa, being the smart ass younger sister said, "but when does the napkin go onto the lap"? When? Really? Are we going to be all picky about the timeline of the placement? Ok - I'll bite - when does this specific action take place? "As soon as one sits down at the table." Like immediately? "Yes" was her reply. Even if you sit there for a good 45 minutes before the actual food arrives? Again, her answer was "yes."
Ok, now we have the napkin in place at the right time but we both discovered that it doesn't always stay there. I'm not talking about how many times it falls off your lap or how often you get up to run to the john and forget to put it back where it belongs when you return. I'm talking about being just a teeny, tiny bit lazy and leaving it on the table next to your plate so you can just blot your fingers occasionally and not have to do all that heavy lifting. It's quick - it's easy - you're in, you're out.
We both decided that we chose this maneuver often - but not out in public where people could see what heathens we are. We're still trying to keep up the lady-like reputation we've worked so hard for. hahahaha
In my husband's family we always encouraged my sister-in-law, Patty, to stuff her napkin in her neckline because no matter how careful she was while dining, she always wound up with a morsel or two at boob level when done. It became a family joke. Often times it was her last bite of the evening, too. Even funnier because we'd all be watching to see how far she'd get into the meal before we'd hear her say, "damn it - look at that."
Before I bring this fascinating topic to an end, I'll leave you with a tidbit I picked up at Stephens regarding napkin usage. You always gently dab your lips (if you're a woman, feel free to raise your pinky) before drinking a beverage so you don't leave lip prints or what we called "schmootz" on the glass rim. Yuck!
Now - go forth and use that napkin and let me know how it goes.
p.s. Did you like how I separated the paragraphs? Easier to read? Hope I did it correctly; that was one of those classes I didn't pay a lot of attention to back in the day.