Friday, July 6, 2012

Napkin Usage

The other morning my sister, Lisa, and I were having a bite to eat at Mug Shots.  I sat down without a napkin but she, the slightly more organized Brachman daughter, had two so I didn't have to get up and make the looooong trip back to the counter - at least 8 steps.

So, naturally, since we both have inquiring minds we began discussing the usage of napkins.
I had the upper hand, or so I thought, since I spent a whole year at Stephens College for women in Columbia, MO.  Of course the napkin goes on the lap.  Duh.

Lisa, being the smart ass younger sister said, "but when does the napkin go onto the lap"?  When?  Really?  Are we going to be all picky about the timeline of the placement?  Ok - I'll bite - when does this specific action take place?  "As soon as one sits down at the table."  Like immediately?  "Yes" was her reply.  Even if you sit there for a good 45 minutes before the actual food arrives?  Again, her answer was "yes."

Ok, now we have the napkin in place at the right time but we both discovered that it doesn't always stay there.  I'm not talking about how many times it falls off your lap or how often you get up to run to the john and forget to put it back where it belongs when you return.  I'm talking about being just a teeny, tiny bit lazy and leaving it on the table next to your plate so you can just blot your fingers occasionally and not have to do all that heavy lifting.  It's quick - it's easy - you're in, you're out.

We both decided that we chose this maneuver often - but not out in public where people could see what heathens we are.  We're still trying to keep up the lady-like reputation we've worked so hard for. hahahaha

In my husband's family we always encouraged my sister-in-law, Patty, to stuff her napkin in her neckline because no matter how careful she was while dining, she always wound up with a morsel or two at boob level when done.  It became a family joke.  Often times it was her last bite of the evening, too.  Even funnier because we'd all be watching to see how far she'd get into the meal before we'd hear her say, "damn it - look at that."

Before I bring this fascinating topic to an end, I'll leave you with a tidbit I picked up at Stephens regarding napkin usage.  You always  gently dab your lips (if you're a woman, feel free to raise your pinky) before drinking a beverage so you don't leave lip prints or what we called "schmootz"  on the glass rim.  Yuck!

Now - go forth and use that napkin and let me know how it goes.

p.s.  Did you like how I separated the paragraphs?  Easier to read?  Hope I did it correctly; that was one of those classes I didn't pay a lot of attention to back in the day.

20 comments:

  1. That was the same class I missed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Miss u and your beautiful soul.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What the hell, Jim - did you have twitchy hands this morning? At first I was like "OMG, look at all the comments I got already. That's never happened before."
    Then I clicked onto them - just my crazy buddy, Jim. Well, thanks for dropping by, pal. It was good to see you again and again and again . . . .

    ReplyDelete
  9. But - isnt' there a difference if you use paper vs cloth? And, if you use cloth at home, do you leave it on the table for the next meal? And, if you do, do you fold it or use a ring? And, if you use a ring, is it a silver one with your initials on that you got for a wedding present? Or is it a fun one that you bought yourself? And do all these decisions lead you to hesitate to use one at all?

    Good on the paragraph separation, El.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Funny! This has been a topic of conversation with old friends while on vacation in California. Most of us agree that we need two--one to keep in lap to protect clothing, another for the discreet wiping of hands and mouth!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stace - you opened up a can of worms here, sis. You took this topic to a place I never thought of before. Are you sure you're not the one that went to Stephens?
    Ann - two napkins. I like that. You must hang with a brainy group.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I always miss out on the stimulating, intellectual talk that happens as Mug Shots. Some day I will be on the "other side".

    Great paragraph separation...much easier to read. You know, because I would never want to miss a word. ; )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bliss - when that day comes you won't believe how "enriched" your life will become. The knowledge that you will gain will blow - your - mind!

      Delete
  13. I always appreciate what you taught me about the napkin; however, I have often been without one so I just wiped my hands on my socks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another proud moment for a mother. Thank you, son.

      Delete
  14. These days I eat so much chilli that I'm sweating like a banker in church and my nose is running. At most Thai eateries there's a box of small paper napkins and since I don't wear socks, I end up with a pile of wadded tissue sporting various fluid and matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A video of dinner would be nice.

      Delete
  15. These are the lessons my generation and those behind me are missing! During college, I learned from a well traveled friend about putting the napkin on one's lap immediately. Oh the scorn all those years of leaving it until the food arrived! I cannot imagine the looks I must have received. Clearly the Zs will be covering napkin 101 at the next meal. Lesson learned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to know the "lessons" will live on.

      Delete