A very important question for you

Yes, most of my blog posts are silly and whimsical but I'm dipping into the serious bin for this one.
I want to know about your fingernails.
Mine are ugly. 

See what I mean?  Short, flat and flimsy.

Sometimes I wonder if I was drawn into becoming a Sign Language interpreter (can't have long, colorful nails - too much distraction for the clients) because of my nails. "Nail destiny?"

I've tried several products over the years but nothing really worked.
I blamed my dad for a while but I've also noticed that mom doesn't have the greatest nails either.  Double whammy.  Poor me.

I'm not begging for sympathy; I actually have a question for you:  do all your nails grow at the same rate?

This has been bothering me for a long time.  Seems like I'll notice a specific nail that has taken on a life of its own so I grab the file and whittle it down.  Now they all look to be the same.

The next damn day I see another two that apparently grew while I slept.  Really?  Can that happen?

My question has been asked and I anxiously await your replies.

But . . . before I sign off I have to tell you a nail story.

For many years I dressed like a witch and sat on the front porch for Halloween scaring the crap out of as many children as possible.  Had a blast.

Well, one year I thought it would be a great idea to buy some of those "press on" nails and paint them black.  I bought the witch length.  It was so fun . . . until I needed a bathroom break.

You don't need details but let me just say - it was a delicate operation.

And then it was time to remove them after all the little darlings had gone home appropriately scared and full of candy.

The suckers were stuck!!!  I tried everything including calling my best friend, Sue Lange, who just laughed at me and hung up.

I honestly don't remember how I finally got them off but I don't remember sleeping with them on so something must have worked.

Don't forget to answer my nail question.  I'm waiting.  I'm waiting.